How to overcome I don’t want to get myself hurt fear -aka commitment issues

Realizing that you have a problem

This might come as a big shocker but having commitment issues or being afraid of committing to a relationship is actually a problem .Okay your ex hurt you really bad, and your parents are divorced and you don’t want to trust another human being ever again. I get it, but if you ever want to have a family life or excel at life ,you better start trusting again .Otherwise, you will be drowning in problems . My idea is that we,humans have a hive mindset ,and trust plays a huge role in a hive. Trust is essential for survival.

Most of the people I meet and talk want to have a family life in the future but they are not even ready to go on a date and actually get to know someone .My question is if you are not ready to commit to a simple date how on earth are you gonna commit to one person to the rest of your life .Marriage is a lot of work, if someone’s denying that they are probably lying .To have a successful married life you need a trustworthy partner of crime who is in it for the long run ,building this “TRUST” require a dating stage and a relationship stage .The two stages actually come before the marriage .So if you are not planing on dating or being in a relationship because of your fears of commitment ,how exactly are you going to get married .Things don’t work like that ,unless you are an Asian and your parents find a girl or a boy for you to get married but we all know those principles are outdated and rarely effective in this century.

Addressing the problem .

. You know ,they say that you can forget your ex with meaningless sex ,but meaningless sex for a longer period of time is not for you if you have an idea of settling down for good .Now that you are aware of your situation ,it is time for you to take action . First you are gonna need help , both professional help and non professional help . If you have underlying father issues or any other problems I highly recommend going to see a therapist .You can never go wrong with therapy .Because there are certain things that you friends can’t help you with.

Putting yourself out here

I’m afraid the only solution to your fear of commitment is actually getting out there ,if you have been out of the game for a while and if you have lost the touch on how to interact with people ,this might sound daunting or if you have been in the casual game for a long time this might be a hard transition .But there is no way around it.

Step 4.1

Change your wardrobe ,you have to ,you don’t have to do it for other people but do it for yourself .You deserve it you have been through a lot ,so read through some fashion mags and pinterest and change your wardrobe according to your financial capacity .

4.2

Gather around your friends and explore the world .There are plenty of opportunities out there, thousands of potential partners ,all you have to do is reach to them . Start simple, ask how they are doing ,be genuinely interested them. At first this might be hard but try to see them as people more than sex objects .and if you feel like you connect with them ask them out .

Other options .

For some it is harder for us to connect with other people ,specially if you are an introvert or an anxious person .You can start simple and small ,go to the nearest plant nursery and get a small law maintenance plant and a pot (not more than 10 bucks) and bring it home and carefully nurture it everyday .Commit to that plant, think of it as a baby that depends solely on you .A) its good for the planet ,B) its good for the gram ,C) its good for your commitment issues. You will slowly start to trust yourself and something else again .and you will realize that if you stop caring for the plant it will slowly die ,just like our relationships .So we have to care ,if we want to grow .

and once you feel like you can handle a little bit more ,may be adopt a pet dog or a cat .

Thought Journal

Having a journal of your feelings help you let out some steam and the best psychologist for you is YOU ,yes ,it is out job to help you find a solution by yourself not to offer you advises but to give instructions .A feeling journal can be taken as a research on you done by you ,it will allow you to analyse your problems and come up with solution and track your progress or certain relapses.

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